My Package.

So this year for Christmas I decided to buy some gifts online! I was so excited to get my package of gifts for others! I had been waiting for over a week, always checking the mail box and telling dad to watch out for it for me while I was at school. Well, it came today. I was so excited! The most exciting part of buying online is getting the package! Its like early Christmas! I never get mail and finally today I get a package! I was so excited! My crazy and depressing day due to school was based on the happy thought of coming home to OPEN MY OWN package! So, I came home, picked up the package, went to grab a knife, and then realized it was already OPENED. It had a slight piece of tape holding the flaps shut. Dad had stepped into my privacy and opened my package. He ruined Christmas. Living with him has its hard times, but really. WHY THE MAIL? Why did he have to OPEN MY MAIL! one of the things I love so much! It has been driving me crazy all day.

p.s. I AM SO GLAD I WILL BE MOVED OUT WHEN I GET MY MISSION CALL SO I CAN OPEN IT MYSELF!!!

The Hot Pads

So after a really long day of listening to Dad talk and demand that I do things for him, I decided to rebel. To get through this really long day, I have been laughingly shrugging off all the feelings and annoyance that comes with listening to Dad all day, so I was in a giggling mood when this happened. Anyway, at the end of the day, I was just at the end of my nice and patient string when Dad finds a hot pad in the living room and tells me to go put it away. So after handing me the hot pad, I immediately threw it onto the ground. Dad looks at me with this really confused face and then simply smiles. I then picked up the hot pad off the floor and put it away in the kitchen in fear of finding it in my bed later. While putting away the hot pad in the drawer, my dad comes in and continues to talk to me. Now completely at the end of my string I remove the hot pad that I had just put away and threw it again on the ground. My dad simply continued to talk. So, I pulled another one out and threw it on the ground also.  He continued to talk. So it was until most of the drawer full of hot pads was empty and the kitchen floor was spotted with them. When I was finished my dad simply is looking at me with a confused expression, silly grin and chuckling slightly. Then he walked away think that this was simply a game that I was playing for my own entertainment. I don't think he understood that I was rebelling against him and that I was frustrated with him. Next time I will work on trying to make it more obvious.

p.s. I cleaned up all the hot pads off the floor. Again, because I was afraid to find them in my bed.

Talk-ity talk talk Talk...

My goodness he is always talking! I think it's because he is rarely around people, but when someone decides to listen or even gives the impression that they might listen, there is no stopping him. He will talk and talk and talk and argue. Even when what he is arguing about is completely unnecessary and something he has no control over or when his side of the argument is WRONG!  I feel sorry for our new neighbors. We all went over to help them move in and dad was just talking and talking. I could tell they were tired from their long day of moving and dad just had to talk to them about EVERYTHING.  I felt so sorry for them. After so many minutes of hearing him talk you kinda get talked out. This is what drives me nuts, that fact that he continues to talk even after it is obvious that I don't want to listen because I am NOT IN THE MOOD. I get so FRUSTRATED. Another thing that drives me nuts is the fact that he loves to REPEAT what he says. Our house is small and with his loud and annoying voice (that often wakes me up early in the mornings) he will tell my mom something that happened on the news (that we really couldn't care less about) and then when I get up, he starts to tell me. However, I already heard because I could hear him from the other side of the house!

ugh. sometimes he just drives me NUTS!

My Way of Releasing Emotions

I went through a lot when I was younger and very often I found myself crying myself to sleep at night. I am not mad or have hard feelings at the pain and hardships I went through but am grateful for them because they made me in to the person I am today and gave me the relationship with my Heavenly Father that I now rely on so much. I simply bring this up because by crying so much when I was younger and turning to my Heavenly Father for help. The Savior through the power of the Atonement was able to release those emotions that were getting stuck that might cause feelings of anger and hold grudges. But through the many tears I shed and with the help of my Savior I was able to let those feelings go and feel my Saviors Love and an Ultimate Freedom from the Powers and Emotions of the World. Now that I am older and still have emotional days, I still find myself crying myself to sleep and letting the Lord take my hard feelings away and replace them with ones of Love. I am Forever grateful for the relationship that I have with my Heavenly Father, and my Savior and that I could be living the life that I do!

A Sensitive FHE.

Somedays I am just so sensitive to the emotions that go on in my house. For the past couple of Family Home Evenings my Dad has been in the worst mood possible. He crawls out of his bed right before his favorite TV show comes on and then complains when he finds out that we haven't had FHE yet. We always make sure to wait for him even if it means that we have FHE at nine at night. Well tonight was just another stressful night of torcher as Dad complained about the whole thing and how we shouldn't even have family night. He then stormed out of the living room (to get his scriptures) and we didn't know why. All we knew was that he was mad that we made him turn off his show(that was being recorded). My mom, my brother, and I sat there for several minutes feeling like it was our fault that he was being this way, and letting his outrageous emotions hit home like an arrow hitting bullseye. After he returned we sang our opening song "How Firm a Foundation". 

3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid. 

I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

4. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of sorrow she not thee o'erflow,

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to the they deepest distress.

5. When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.

They flam shall not hurt thee; I only design

They dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

This simply church Hymn helped me to come back to what is truly important in life. The Savior. The Savior is what makes me strong and feared by Satan. As I come closer to my Savior, He helps me to become the person I want to be. However the world and Satan want otherwise. He wants us to think that it is our fault that bad things happen and people act the way they do. He wants us to think we are hope less and weak. As we go through our daily lives and don't take the time to find our "Foundation", I have found that we become more open to the critics and the not so healthy emotions of the world. It is how I feel after a day like today that makes me want to become better and closer to my Savior because we do not need to feel this way. It is through the Atonement provided my our Savior, Jesus Christ that we can live our lives in Happiness and Eternal Joy. I am eternally grateful for my Savior and the power he has to remove the emotions that get stuck in us and fill the gapes with feelings of pure love.

All or Nothing.

My father has recently been in the mood or All or Nothing. After my brother moved out for college my Dad took over his room and made it his study. Now that the school year is over my brother has returned for the summer. So, before he came home we asked my Dad to make some room for him in the bedroom. A couple of nights later the room was completely cleared out. Including the pictures on the walls were taken down. The books shelves were emptied and turned facing the wall so no one could use them. Later that day, I was sitting on the couch doing homework when my father came in and turned on the TV really loud. After about fifteen minutes of trying to read my textbook I asked my Dad to turn down the TV. He immediately got mad and told me I could leave the room if I wanted to my homework. So I decided just to deal with it. Ten minutes of pure commercials and loud TV later, when a show that I wanted to see was about to start, my dad goes to the TV and turns it off. I asked why he did that and he told me that I needed to do my homework. Then I asked, "then why did you not turn it off ten minutes before when the commercials were going?" He didn't reply.   Is there no compromise? lol

AHHH!!!

"But even on days when things are just right, 

he comes home from work(his room) and gives me a fright." 

Today was one of those day's. He got up from his bed and went to the TV. There was a note concerning one of his daughters reminding Mom to get something for her. He picked up the note after remarking negatively about the latest news story, saw the note, and then crumpled it up. Mom and I were so confused at what would make him act in such a way? We tried asking but he just "rumbled and grumbled at each little sound". We try so hard to understand, but on days like this we just turn to each other and laugh. Thats all we can do. It is on days like this that I re-read the "Living With a Bipolar Bear" poem. Here are a few lines that explain my Dad and how I feel perfectly:

"It isn't easy to live with a bear,

sometimes it seems it just isn't fair.

His sharp claws come out. He can't seem to smile.

Crawls back in his den, curls up in a pile.

My Dad needs a sign to make me beware,

like one at the zoo, "Don't Feed the Bear."

Perhaps then I'd know if this was they day

it would be best to just stay away."

... 

"Knowing the illness along with its name,

gives comfort to me, there's no one to blame.

As a side note: It is on days like this, that I pray to my loving and merciful Heavenly Father asking Him to not forget me when it comes to finding a good and emotionally stable husband. lol