The Pizza.

I love frozen pizza's, and today my mom and I discovered that the Totino's pizza's were giving free Redbox codes on the inside of the box! We decided this was a great deal and bought three so each of us could have one(they are pretty small pizzas). Anyway, we got home and decided to add some more cheese, peppers and pepporoni's to them. So, my dad went to the freezer and pulled out what he thought was pepporoni but turned out to be sliced sausage. All of a sudden he was yelling because he didn't like that sausage and now that it had "touched" the pizza he threatened not to eat it.  This drove my mom and I crazy. However, we took off the sausage (the fact that it was sausage didn't bother us at all) from dad's pizza and convinced him that things would be OKAY. When the pizzas were done, we all sat down for dinner. My mother and I ate happily because pizza is a rare treat. Though, on the other side of the table my dad decided to sit and talk a bit before eating. He ended up talking about a subject that caused great confusion because of miscommunication (he tends to do that alot). Before he had even taken a bite of his pizza he was so confused, angry and annoyed with us that he could no longer eat. My dad simply got up and went to his room. After he left, my mother and I started laughing. (laughing is the only way to survive through tantrums like this) We finished out pizzas and stared at his pizza contemplating how he might react if we ate it. After of few minutes of discussion we decieded that he would probably moan and say things the would give us a headache later. So we put plastic wrap over it and put it in the fridge where it was not eaten until the next day. If you are reading this, you might not think this is anything crazy or weird or even irratating. But it is. It is for me. It is hard to live with so many unstable emotions. You never know when he will start to freak out or through a tantrum. All I know is that "when the storm goes away, I'll see the rainbow".

Can I get a schedule?

After so many times, I think I should be used to it. My bipolar bear sleeps mostly all day and stays up most nights. I never know when he is going to be up or asleep. This bothers me because my mom and I will plan a whole night together, like a movie and treats. Then, all of a sudden, he will get up and start complaining about the movie we picked or want to talk to us non-stop. My problem is I get my hopes up when I see that he is asleep and I start thinking of what I am going to do and the fun I am going to have. Then he gets up and my plans become canceled. I really wish that I could get a sleeping schedule from him so I could plan things accordingly. However, even though it ruins my plans, I really enjoy seeing him up, running around, and talking.

Mango's! (sometimes I just don't understand)

I love Mangos!!! I first grew to love them when one of my older sisters brought one home for me to try. At that moment I fell in love with mangos! Once all of my older brothers and sister moved out, I started having my mom buy mangos for us to eat. I was usually the only one who ate them. I love Mangos!! Anyway, my dad bought two mangos today and brought them home! I was so excited! So, I asked my mother if I could eat one. She replied "yah, go for it." She left a few minutes later. After taking a shower(from after a hard workout), I went and got a mango, knife, and plate and sat down to watch Stargate SG-1 (this is one of my dad's favorite shows that I have grown to love also). Dad was watching the show and then turned and saw me eating a mango. After seeing me with the mango he quickly stated: "those were for mom to make mango salsa." (p.s. he does not like mango salsa)  I replied "there is another one, and mom said I could eat it." He then stated under his breath: "I am never going to buy mangos ever again." This drove me crazy, because I LOVE MANGOS! So I replied(in a calm voice): "but I love mangos." He simply replied under his breath: "I am never going to buy mangos again. This totally pushed my buttons. So I continued to eat the mango just to drive him crazy. I don't know why but when he says "I will never buy a mango ever again." I totally believe it, and it makes me sad that he would threaten to take something away that I love so much. I don't get why he says things to such extreems. It drives me crazy. I just hope he will continue to buy me mangos.

Sometimes what he does just doesn't make sense.

Living with a Bipolar Bear

My father is Bipolar. Recently I have been wanting to write a blog, but I didn't know what I wanted to write about. It was only until this morning that I realized I wanted to write about my life and what it is like to live with a father who is bipolar. My life hasn't been easy but through the help of my Savior and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I have been able to handle it. My father is an amazing man! He teaches me so many things, protects me, and loves me! I love him!
A friend on my mom's wrote this poem about living with a bipolar father. She calls it "Living with a Bipolar Bear." This poem has given me hope during hard times in my life, which is why I named my blog after it. I will reference this poem throughout my blog.

Living with a Bipolar Bear - by Kendra Fowler

I'm never quite sure, coming home from dance,

who'll be in Dad's chair? I'm taking a chance.

"Which bear is in there?" I wonder each time.

I tiptoe closer, and look for a sign.

Do his eyes sparkle, without any care?

Or do they darken and fade to a stare?

At time he is cheerful, we tumble and play.

But sometimes he grumbles and sends me away.

He hibernated deep down inside his dark cave.

I shout, "Please, wake up! I will behave!"

What if my room's clean, with no toys to see?

Would he be happy and not growl at me?

But even on days when things are just right,

he comes home from work and gives me a fright.

Sometimes it's too much to have me around.

He yells and rumbles at each little sound.

Why is it one day the things that I do

are cut and funny, he laughs at a few?

Next day, the same things just make him upset.

I want to roar back, "Now, see what you get."

It isn't easy to live with a bear.

Sometimes it seems like it just isn't fair.

His sharp claws come out. He can't seem to smile.

Crawls back in his den, curls up in a pile.

My dad needs a sign to make me beware,

like one at the zoo, "Don't feed the bear."

Perhaps then I'd know if this was the day

it would be best to just stay away.

When I'm his princess, he takes me to dine.

Blows his straw at my nose, I giggle and Shine.

We talk and play ball. I think he's the best.

He listens and smiles. I forgive all the rest.

He dances with Mom when dinner is slow,

and sings really loud to the radio.

So, what makes him change? I can't really say.

It's not that he likes it or wants it that way.

It's not up to me to let in the light.

The things that I do don't make it all right.

Dad loves me a bunch and wants me to know,

when the storm goes away, I'll see the rainbow.

I wait for the sun to push through the cloud.

It's scary for him to join in the crowd.

We've learned what it is that makes him feel bad;

his moods jump around, from happy to sad.

He's will to fix the problem inside.

With doctors and help, he won't have to hide.

Knowing the illness along with its name,

gives comfort to me. There's no one to blame.

I love him and say that it's pretty rare,

to live with my very own Bipolar Bear.

I love this and am grateful for the woman who wrote this! I can connect to it in so many ways! I am grateful for my Savior, who has been there for me to turn to for my entire life! I love my Savior! and my Dad!