All or Nothing.

My father has recently been in the mood or All or Nothing. After my brother moved out for college my Dad took over his room and made it his study. Now that the school year is over my brother has returned for the summer. So, before he came home we asked my Dad to make some room for him in the bedroom. A couple of nights later the room was completely cleared out. Including the pictures on the walls were taken down. The books shelves were emptied and turned facing the wall so no one could use them. Later that day, I was sitting on the couch doing homework when my father came in and turned on the TV really loud. After about fifteen minutes of trying to read my textbook I asked my Dad to turn down the TV. He immediately got mad and told me I could leave the room if I wanted to my homework. So I decided just to deal with it. Ten minutes of pure commercials and loud TV later, when a show that I wanted to see was about to start, my dad goes to the TV and turns it off. I asked why he did that and he told me that I needed to do my homework. Then I asked, "then why did you not turn it off ten minutes before when the commercials were going?" He didn't reply.   Is there no compromise? lol

AHHH!!!

"But even on days when things are just right, 

he comes home from work(his room) and gives me a fright." 

Today was one of those day's. He got up from his bed and went to the TV. There was a note concerning one of his daughters reminding Mom to get something for her. He picked up the note after remarking negatively about the latest news story, saw the note, and then crumpled it up. Mom and I were so confused at what would make him act in such a way? We tried asking but he just "rumbled and grumbled at each little sound". We try so hard to understand, but on days like this we just turn to each other and laugh. Thats all we can do. It is on days like this that I re-read the "Living With a Bipolar Bear" poem. Here are a few lines that explain my Dad and how I feel perfectly:

"It isn't easy to live with a bear,

sometimes it seems it just isn't fair.

His sharp claws come out. He can't seem to smile.

Crawls back in his den, curls up in a pile.

My Dad needs a sign to make me beware,

like one at the zoo, "Don't Feed the Bear."

Perhaps then I'd know if this was they day

it would be best to just stay away."

... 

"Knowing the illness along with its name,

gives comfort to me, there's no one to blame.

As a side note: It is on days like this, that I pray to my loving and merciful Heavenly Father asking Him to not forget me when it comes to finding a good and emotionally stable husband. lol

The Dad I Love - Easter

It's tradition in my family to wake up early on easter morning and watch the sunrise and read the Easter story. So, the night before, my Mom and I invited my Dad to join us in the morning to watch the sunrise, read scriptures, and sing songs. We thought that he might not make it because he was on the schedule of staying up all night and sleeping all day. When we woke up in the morning, he was asleep, but when we went out side we found boiled colored eggs in plastic ziplock bags (because of the frost) scattered all over the backyard. It was fun to go around and collect the eggs. When we started to pick them up we noticed that Dad had written weird messages on them that made us laugh! Some of the eggs said: "Take me to your leader", "Chuck Norris egg, It will crack itself", "the Prodigal egg", "This is not a jig saw puzzle", "Don't press me in your journal, Yipes!". Other eggs had Easter scriptures, and some had fun pictures. It is these little surprises that lets me know that my Dad loves me and that he is thinking of me. This is the Dad I love. 

Visiting Grandparents

There must be something about visiting my grandparents that gets Dad all excited. For the whole week that we were there he was super bipolar. When he spoke, he spoke loud and with lots of emotion and energy. When he was even slightly confused or wanted in on what we were talking about he would say "what? .... WHO? ... wait What? ... I wanted to watch MY show!... ". At first it was funny, but after day two I was done. I can usually handle a week like this but I realize now that the only reason that I could usually handle a week like that is because I had brothers and sisters to laugh with about it. However, this time was harder. My fear of being alone because I am the youngest finally came to pass. I couldn't handle Dad for more than ten minutes at a time and Mom spent the week talking with my grandparents. The week wasn't completely boring, there were several exciting moments like when my grandpa ice skated! But, I mostly read my books. 

What I learned from this hard week is, laughter is essential for survival. It gets rid of negative feelings and emotions that could get stuck in your mind and body. Laughter forces the emotions out and invites peace, understanding, acceptance, and love. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for the power of laughter and for my family. 

I also achieved this week a greater desire to have an eternal companion who can be there with me always to laugh with and to help me get through hard times. An eternal companion who will see the side that I don't always see, and will know what to say to make me feel better. I can't wait to have a hand to hold for this life and for eternity.